#palmsuplife wraps up week #2 with a pastor friend I met through the @clergycollarproject. She's inspiring and honest and accessible, which I so appreciate.
I loved geting to ask what hustle culture looks like in her field and what she's doing to tell a different story... "In the fitness world, hustle culture looks like constantly educating, connecting, and inviting people into a journey towards better health. On the one hand, that's a beautiful thing to do and we should spend lots of time doing it! On the other hand, it is endless work. There is no such thing as getting "ahead" because there is alway more one COULD be doing to help more people--more check-ins with clients, more free tips for the public, more content creation, more groups to run or host.
My peers say, "If you want 10X results, you better 10X your input.” As a mom working two PT jobs and providing FT care for a one-year-old...I don't have 10X to give, and I have to be OK with that. I might impact fewer people or at a slower pace, but I embrace that I am changing the world at my own speed.
Hustle culture tells me (particularly as a woman) that I need to care for others, even if it burns out my body in the process. I need to work more, sleep less. I need to eat what is quick and easy (even if it's less nutritious) because "time is money" and/or "my time is more valuable elsewhere." I push against this narrative by modeling a more balanced form of self-care and inviting others do live that with me.
I demonstrate and teach people how to move their bodies 20-30 min a day and eat foods that bless their body. It's a simple formula and one people can sustain, so that they have bodies that can do the things they love for and with the people they love--whether that's twirling their kids, gardening, hiking, or running a marathon.”
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Connect with Erin Roesch or at @erin.c.roesch on Instagram!
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#palmsuplife rolls into Thursday with an important person in my life in the past year, @christiannesquires .
My spiritual director, Deb Nondorf, mentioned Christianne had worked with @Janrichardsonstudio on a couple of her books and she founded Bookwifery, a company that helps people birth books that heal the world with light. After listening to Christianne's podcasts, I was in. A year later, I can't imagine where I'd be without her when it comes to writing.
So of course, I had to ask what hustle culture looks like in her field and what she's doing to tell a different story...
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"As a small business owner, I've gotten connected over the years to lots of other small business owners, either from a place of friendship or mentorship and inspiration. Having friends and mentors in my ecosystem who are also walking this path of making a livelihood out of one's own skills and abilities is such a gift, as it's a path that can feel immensely lonely and scary and discouraging.
But this kind of connection can also bring with it unwanted feelings of comparison and pressure—comparison between how well they seem to be doing with their work and how I'm doing in mine, and pressure to stay relevant and present and interesting in what I share.
Sometimes my Instagram feed starts to feel full of sales pitches and invitations to buy or invest in some new way of connecting with people or caring for my business, and this makes me feel tired and afraid of making other people feel the way I'm feeling in those moments.
When I start to get overwhelmed with comparison or the push to keep up, it's usually a sign that I need to pause and go inward. Usually that means going to prayer, which for me these days often looks like sitting down at a table in my imagination with the three members of the Trinity and holding my heart out to them. With my heart in my hands, I share with them what I'm worried about, what I need to process, and what I wish I knew. I share my fears and my questions. Then I listen.
What is God saying back to me? What gift is being given to my heart right then? (Cont in comments)
#palmsuplife October continues!
Today we welcome Gretchen Crowder, a teacher and campus director in Texas. We met through Bookwifery Collective (I met TONS of awesome people there!). I asked what hustle culture looks like in her field and what she's doing to tell a different story... Last night I came home from work after my sons were asleep. I went into each of their rooms and kissed them goodnight. This morning, they swore I never did it. It happens. My husband says I should take my phone in there when I do and snap a photo, but I value more that they sleep well then they believe I came in when I got home.
This came to mind when I saw your question because sometimes as a working mom who comes home late or leaves town periodically or works on a weekend, I can feel the pressure to figure out how to make it all work perfectly. The first year they were really cognizant of my work schedule, I would try and see if I could squeeze in five minutes at daycare before my husband took them all home.
Or, I would try to take them home myself sometimes in the super small window between one thing and another. All this did for me was to make me feel hurried, more exhausted, and less than my best for my boys. And in the end, they didn’t really care much about that five minutes. It was pressure I put on myself that they did not put there for me.
In the same vein, there are some times when we have had night activities four nights in a row, and I just have to say no to something. No, this week we can’t go to practice. No, at this time we can’t add another activity. And though no one is directly giving me the guilt I feel for not doing everything, I do feel it. And I debate the choice back and forth in my head, over and over again… and even when I’ve made the decision, I still wonder for hours if it is the right one.
But of course it is.
The right choice is the loving choice for me or for my boys. Sure, they might miss me today entirely, but tomorrow I will have more energy to be present to them. (Cont in comments)
#palmsuplife October is on a roll in week #2!
Today we welcome Anne Brock (@livinginthemidst), a courageous human being sharing her journey with infertility. She also used to be a youth pastor and brings that lens to her work. I'm getting to know Anne through Bookwifery Collective and I'm cheering her on as she works on her book!
I asked what hustle culture looks like in her field and what she's doing to tell a different story... As a youth minister I felt like I had to be "on" all the time -- responding to texts, social media and email at all times. I even had my work email on my phone, which now, three years since my sabbatical, seems crazy. I would read one email on a day off and it could change my whole mood for the day or weekend. I gave people permission to interrupt my personal time by responding to texts immediately, even though the response could have waited until I was in my working hours. I was teaching the youth that I was available at all times by responding at all times. It wasn't healthy for any of us.
I've always been a on-the-go kind of person. I don't know where this came from, but I find my worth in how much I achieve. The more I get done in a day, the more worthy I am. I don't see my parents living that way, but I had to have picked it up somewhere. The advent of step counters kept this going. With my first FitBit, I was obsessed with getting 10,000 steps every day. If I didn't have enough at bed time, I'd stand next to my bed and jog in place until I achieved the goal.
Later I got a Garmin Foreunner to enhance my running goals. However, even if I'd just run five miles and had all my steps for the day, if I didn't move after a certain period of time, my watch would vibrate very loudly, "Move!" would appear on the screen and a red line would show up along the side. The longer I went without moving, the longer the red line became. I felt like my watch was dictating my worthiness somehow. If I could make that red line go away, rest was acceptable... until the next vibration. (Cont in comments)
#palmsuplife October continues, my friends. Week #2!
Today we welcome @erynnedevore, a children's minister in Alaska. Erynne is a dear friend of our family and I've known her for about 20 years. The way she writes and talks reminds me of @glennondoyle. Honest, hilarious, meaningful. I'm so glad for you to get to know her!
I asked what hustle culture looks like in her field and what she's doing to tell a different story... I work in ministry and have two elementary school aged children who I'm raising as a single parent. I feel like at work and at home, there is always more I should or could be doing. Always more science project help I could be assisting with, always more dance leotards being grown out of, always more people hurting who need a compassionate heart and listening ear, always more programming and ideas I should be bringing to life, always more little hands that need holding, always more paperwork to be filled out, bills to pay, emails to be sent, thank you notes to write.
I look around me at the handmade pirate costumes for pirate day or the organic, gluten free muffins made with blueberries picked from their backyard that are being sent into school and I wonder how other parents possibly have the time. On the professional front, a great deal of ministry is being there for the vulnerable, saying "yes" to great ideas, and being a part of community outside the church doors. All of these things are very difficult to say no to, even when a "no" might be necessary. The work is most often not life threatening or extremely fast paced, but it is always, always present. It truly never stops.
As someone who presents as a 7 on the enneagram (still discerning if I am in fact a 7, or just present that way), as a female trained by our culture to always say yes to helping roles, and as an empath, saying no is sometimes excruciatingly painful to me. I want to be able to be all the things to all the people, and when I can't be, it feels like a character flaw or significant personal failure. (Cont in comments!)
#palmsuplife October wraps up week #1!
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Today we welcome @amybaspey, a United Methodist deacon and church planter. I met Amy at a national event for young people discerning a call into ministry about a decade ago. She's planting an incredible faith community in Columbus, Ohio, Short North Church.
I asked what hustle culture looks like in her field and what she's doing to tell a different story... "It’s hard to describe what it looks like, but I know what hustling feels like. It feels like an inability to breathe. Some days, it’s running on the treadmill of: meetings, conversations, planning, writing, preaching, serving, creating and journeying with people through both celebrations and profound pain. Other days, it’s a palpable awareness of being continually on-call because it’s part of responding to The Call.
And, technology makes it possible to be accessible and connectable all of the time. Instead of trying to catch your breath, this feels like holding it. Holding it ALL in. As if the “holding” can hold everything together. Until, the exhale. And, the sigh is so deep that it startles you. And the sound of your own breath becomes a wake-up call. Inviting, pleading, begging, to make some space—in your body, mind, soul, calendar, relationships, life-song, to breathe. And, as a church planter, with the name itself even expecting growth, there is pressure, internally and externally, to have a spectacular harvest. As the pressure increases, breath decreases. And, it can be hard to remember, to not give it all away. We need breath in order to live.
Literally and figuratively, I am intentional about making space to breathe. Since the Spirit, Divine Breath, fills us with breath, perhaps, we are most connected and aware and in synch with The Holy when we breathe. Making breathing room is an act of resistance to the toxic hustle culture that elevates busyness over being.
Seeking out breathing space is also simultaneously an act of self-affirmation, validating that we don’t have to prove our worth in order to be-loved. There isn’t a formula for finding such space. (Cont in comments!)
